The Dos and Don'ts of Sexting

Anthony Weiner's Twitter scandal certainly makes the list of "don'ts," but there are ways to send sexy text messages — at the right time and to the right person. Follow these rules of sexting etiquette.

Medically reviewed by Lindsey Marcellin, MD, MPH

After U.S. Representative Anthony Weiner copped to sending a racy photo of himself to a woman via Twitter — as well as to a history of online infidelity that included sending sexy photos, Facebook messages, and emails to at least five other women over the last three years — the scandal has left many people wondering why anyone would do such a thing.
After all, isn’t sending out sexy photos just asking to be caught?
The Weiner firestorm aside — the congressman is married and he lied repeatedly about the incident before admitting the truth — sexting, or sharing intimate photos or messages via cell phone texts and emails, isn’t always a bad idea. For committed couples, some experts say that sexting can actually be a great way to sizzle up your sex life.
“A sext can be as simple as writing to your partner what you want to do when you see him later,” says Olivia Baniuszewicz co-author (along with Debra Goldstein) of Flirtexting: How to Text Your Way into His Heart. It creates anticipation and build-up throughout your day, which can boost your libido and add some newness and variety to your usual sexual routine.
But to avoid embarrassment, consider these dos and don’ts before you hit send on that sext message:
Sexting Dos
Baniuszewicz offers these rules for sending successful sexy messages to your spouse or partner:

DO send a sext to your significant other while you are out to dinner with friends. There’s something very exciting about exchanging sexy and covert messages in public.
DO remember that less is more. There are ways to be suggestive without putting it all out there. It’s sexier to not take it all off for a camera phone. Instead, send sensual, suggestive photo texts. For example, you might take a picture of your bed and write “Room for two” or take a picture of your lips and text “They miss you.”
DO sext your partner if you’re shy by nature. It’s a great approach if you find it hard to verbalize what you like sexually. You can use the casual environment of a text to reveal your sexual fantasies.
DO sext if you’re a long distance away on business. This can help you keep the spark alive and remain close when you’re apart. When you're about to go to sleep and you miss your partner, text that you're all alone in that big bed of yours and ask for a suggestion for something to do. He or she will gladly take it from there.

Sexting Don’ts
Here are Baniuszewicz’s cautions about texting:

DON’T sext with someone you just recently started dating or can’t trust implicitly. You’re taking the risk of having your photo leaked or forwarded, turning off the person on the receiving end, or having the photo get into the wrong hands.
DON’T ever include your face in a naked photo text. This protects you from embarrassment if the photo ends up being seen by someone you know.
DON’T take sexting requests too seriously. Have a little fun teasing your partner. If he or she’s begging for you to send a sexy picture of yourself, and you’re not comfortable with it, take a picture of your Victoria Secret catalog or Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue and write “Not mine, but I’m still thinking of you.”
DON’T forget to delete any sexts or photos after viewing them. This is especially important if there are any children in your home who might get a hold of your phone (kids are more tech-savvy than you think!)
DON’T engage in cellular infidelity. As Congressman Weiner can now attest, sexting with someone outside of your marriage or relationship is a form of cheating.